In the latest season of Outlander, Claire’s short-lived reunion with her lost cat, Adso, causes her to burst into tears, saying “It’s just a cat.” Jamie answers “Aye”.
But he was not just a cat.
Dex would have celebrated his 19th birthday today. It has been a difficult past four days, emotionally. I don’t think I have felt this sad since my teen years. Even though we said goodbye to our girl kitty, Suki, last February, it did not seem to hit as hard, since Dex was still with us. We were also busy trying to finish our house renovations, so there was little time to grieve.
Putting away his food and water bowls and even dumping his litter felt wrong. But hanging onto those things would not bring him back, I know.
Life without cats is simply very different. No more morning, afternoon and night-time meowing sessions. The house is pretty quiet once our kiddos are at school, save for Matt’s woodworking machines going on and off every now and then. No kitties fighting for my lap at night. No lap requests while I type away on the computer keyboard.
For me, the hardest part is the silence, even though I do relish the quiet. It’s knowing that there won’t be any meowing, purrs, or trills now that we are cat-less. The silence was so deafening the other day, I had to turn on some music and start singing so it didn’t overwhelm me.
Exercise is another way I’ve been trying to combat my grief. The biggest hurdle was catching my breath as I was fighting off tears and also trying to get enough air into my lungs to finish my workout. I knew that if I pushed through, I’d get a bit of an oxytocin boost and feel better.
I also bought two pints of ice cream, though have yet to indulge in them.
Another hard part is of course not being able to feel the physical warmth and softness of our “furry” companions. My need to pet a cat has become a little unbearable, so much so that we will be going to Saskatoon’s cat cafe with the kids today. I am also considering the possibility of fostering cats or kittens but it feels like it’s a bit too soon to bring another cat into our home. And kittens, although adorable and much wanted by our own kids, can be like parenting babies all over again. Not sure that I can handle them at my age.
Happy Birthday, Dexie-doodle! Hope you’re enjoying some nap-time in the sun at the Rainbow Bridge!
My tears are now here. I loved Dex and Suki too on our visits to Toronto. A cat, or a dog, or any other pet, can bring another dimension of kindness, empathy for all living things, and just plain joy into our lives. And yes, they are a commitment in terms of time and money and cleaning and care. But what joy! RIP Dexie, Suki, Sashie, Calico, Muffy and Ziggy, all the passed-on kitties of our family. I hope to see them one day in the great beyond, or wherever. Meanwhile folks, please love your pets; their little lives are quite fleeting. We all miss them terribly when they leave us.